So Long and Thanks for All the Phish
Look, I know this is over, I know you found something better and I honestly can’t say it’s a surprise. The writing has been on the wall (and the sticky notes on your monitor) for a while now.
I remember the beginning. I was all lowercase, easy to remember, and it felt like I could get you into anything in the world. But we both knew, the things I had to keep safe for you were too important and that I needed to mature, be more sophisticated, to give you what you needed.
I started gaining numbers, capital letters, even special characters. Surely this would be enough. But as I became more complex, we grew apart, it felt like you didn’t really know me. You put me away into a password manager who would remember me and all my variations for you. You never had to look at me anymore. But those creepy hoodie dudes keep poking around.
And you managed to make me feel inadequate. You started bringing others into our relationship. I would see them on your phone. Those 6-digit confirmation codes. Flaunting in my face that I was just one of many factors to you.
Sure, I wasn’t always faithful. There was that time when you got notified I was being used in Ukraine to get into your online banking app. But I swear it wasn’t my fault, I thought it was you. Everyone looks the same to me.
It’s been a wild life we’ve spent together. But, it’s time we parted ways. There are better options for you now. I hope you never forget me. But I know you already have.